Self-confident people think differently about some things than the rest of us. How do they do what they do? Do they never feel fear? Are they different than the rest of us? Are they special? Are they superhuman?
Yes, some of their thoughts are different, but no, they are not superhuman. They are just like the rest of us. Two eyes, two ears, two arms, two legs, one mouth, one brain. What about their brains. Are their brains different? Are their brains two times larger than normal?
No, their brains are a normal size. One of the things that makes them confident is their knowledge. So often we think that everybody else knows more than we do. That is one of the causes of people's fear of public speaking - that everyone in the crowd knows more than they do.
This is also one of the factors in what is called "impostor syndrome". Many people have it. It is the feeling of "who am I to go up on stage (or on camera) and tell people what to do?" You feel like an impostor. You feel like you really aren't the best person in the world to be speaking about your topic.
You feel like everyone in the crowd is judging you, critiquing you, waiting for you to slip up. You feel like everyone knows more than you do. And this causes you anxiety - sweaty palms, butterflies in your stomach, a strained voice.
We feel more confident when we are by ourselves. But when we go around other people, sometimes that confidence starts to shake. We aren't so sure about ourselves. What are people really thinking about us?
That's where knowledge comes into play. Simply knowing more about your topic can make a huge difference in your confidence. Also, there are many books out there on how to increase your self-confidence. Self-confident people have done this before. And they have written their secrets down for you to read.
One of the secrets is that people aren't thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are. For the most part they are just thinking about themselves. Think of the massive amount of information that flows through your head everyday, even every minute. That's the same stuff that is going through everyone else's heads.
Another secret is to always be thinking, "I can handle this." When we lose our confidence, it is often because we aren't sure of ourselves. We don't know if we will be able to succeed. But if you have the feeling that no matter what happens, you will handle it, that's confidence.
Self-confident people know that whatever happens, they will just go with the flow. They won't get upset or stressed out. If they mess up, they mess up. No big deal. They'll work around it and get back on track.
Often we think if we mess up, it will be awful and we put so much pressure on it. We make a big deal about it. Yes, sometimes the stakes are high and if we mess up, it is a big deal. If you're a fighter pilot and you push the wrong button, you could kill many people needlessly. That's a big deal.
But for so many things throughout our day, the stakes are relatively low. But we still seem to put a lot of pressure on ourselves. By not worrying as much, by relaxing, we can enter a state of flow where everything goes along smoothly. Whatever happens happens. Being in the moment.
Enjoying life from moment to moment is something else self-confident people use. Being easy-breezy and light-hearted. Having fun and making jokes about things. Things that the rest of us can turn into big deals and cause us to panic.
I've mentioned public speaking a fair bit here and you may be thinking, "What about situations other than public speaking that cause me to lose confidence?" Think about this: if you are in the company of other people, you are public speaking. When you speak to your friends and family, you are public speaking. When you talk to a cashier, you are public speaking. When you to talk to co-workers or your classmates, you are public speaking.
Even if you're not actually speaking and other people are around, your non-verbal body language "speaks" for you. Your words account for only 7% of the communication process. Body language accounts for 55% and tone of voice accounts for 38%. Public speakers work on their voice and their body language to become better communicators.
Speaking of improving your voice, check out Roger Love's books and audio programs. He is the world's number one vocal coach and has trained many celebrity actors and musicians. His "Perfect Voice" program has a 15-minute daily voice warm-up routine. You can use it in the car on your way to work, for example.
So, yes, it may not seem like we are always public speaking, but we are always on stage, in the spotlight, when we are around other people. When we are by ourselves, we are more confident. It's like we get a bit of performance anxiety when we go out into the world to work or to school or to the store.
I hope that some of this has helped you. I highly encourage you to read more about self-confidence and how it can help you to enjoy life more.Home › Mental Health Tips › Self-Confident People