Here are some tips for healthy relationships. One of the biggest sources of stress in people's lives is other people. Counselors and psychologists say that when people come to them to talk about their problems, they often talk about the other people in their lives who are causing them grief.
Listening is one of the most powerful yet underused people skills we can learn. In my online course, "Attract People to You by Becoming a Better Listener", I share secrets from the Horse Whisperer, America's most admired CEO, Alec Baldwin and others to help you learn this potent ability.
One of the best ways to deal with other people came to me in a book called "Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion" by George Thompson, a United States police officer.
I've read a fair number of people skills books and I've learned a lot from them, but I wouldn't say they changed a whole lot of what I actually do in practice. "Verbal Judo", however, did change what I actually do.
And Verbal Judo is so simple, once you know the main concepts of it:
1. Stay calm if other people are getting upset. Don't get swept up into the emotion of it all.
2. Find out where other people "are". Are they lonely, angry, depressed? Are they even listening to you when you speak? Where "are" they? What state of mind are they in? You have to be able to read body language and have emotional intelligence to do this.
3. Talk from their frame of reference, not yours. So often we say what we have to say, when the other person isn't listening, or when what we say isn't what the other person wants to hear. Their mind might be on something totally different than what we're talking about, so it doesn't sink in as well. We just plow ahead with what it is we have to say.
Verbal Judo offers some of the best tips for healthy relationships I've ever come across. George Thompson discovered Verbal Judo when he first started training as a police officer in the States.
He saw some cops using it unknowingly and having amazing results. He began to study them and then created a formal training program, which he called "Verbal Judo". Over the next so many years it spread from state to state. The Verbal Judo website says they have trained over 1,000,000 people worldwide.
Just knowing the main concepts of it will allow you to have the right words for the right time. Cops say when they're on the street, they don't have time to think about all the steps - "Okay, step 1, step 2, what was step 3 again?" You need the right words and now. And they're different for each situation.
When people are upset or giving us trouble, it is often because they have no one to listen to them. In the "Verbal Judo" book George says that too many people have never heard words of encouragement and praise. Their thoughts and opinions have been neglected, which consequently makes them feel alone and separate from others.
A lot of the time people simply need to vent for a bit. Let them blow off some steam. Sometimes, but not often, people are past the point of being listened to, and that's where you have to use force (that's where the cops would step in).
This makes verbal judo one of the easiest people skills systems in the world. Perhaps the easiest of all.
Stress can add pounds to your body. One of the biggest sources of stress in our lives comes from other people. Reading "Verbal Judo" has dramatically affected the way I deal with people. I don't get as upset as often and by letting other people do more of the talking (if that's what they need), I find my interactions with other people have become easier.
It's not a perfect system and George says that sometimes he is the one getting upset. But for the most part, it makes for more healthy relationships. This is one of the biggest tips I've ever come across in all the people skills books I've read. I highly recommend you pick up a copy and read it. Maybe even give it to other people.
I've given copies of it to my friends and family. I've put a couple of copies in my local libraries. I think, personally, that it should be taught in schools.
Healthy relationships go beyond stress and weight loss. Often people on their deathbeds say they wish that they spent more time with the people in their lives, or that they listened more. Getting along with others can dramatically increase your overall enjoyment of life.
There are other tips for getting along with people in "Verbal Judo", more than what I've described here. I've given a bare bones approach of the main concepts here, but I still highly recommend you pick up a copy and start reading. The book may take 6 or 7 hours or so to read, depending on how fast you read.
But for that small investment of time, you will have one of the easiest people skills systems in the world. And you will have it for life. All for the grand price of $20-$25 or so, whatever your book store charges you. Of for free if you can find it in a library.Home › Stress Reduction Tips › Tips for Healthy Relationships